“My journey to and with yoga is a bumpy one. It had a slow start.
It was one of necessity. One of learning to love myself and the gifts of the world again or maybe really for the first time. My journey is still in process. And I still miss days actually getting to my mat. But my life of peace, safety and happiness began because of yoga, and continues in part because of you.”
Here’s How I Came To Yoga:
I was sure I wasn’t liked by any one, by everyone. This feeling, along with the need and desire humans have to fit in, didn’t make for the best combination all the time. Friendships and relationships were very hard for me and loneliness always tugged at my heart and toyed with my mind…
I first turned to yoga when I was 22 and was given a book by my mother (you might find this humorous if you knew my relationship with my mother and also how yoga renewed my vigor for living). I was moving to Atlanta from school in Los Angeles via a brief stint back home in Portland. I moved about as far away from home in my own country as I could, which was partially a great idea and very much for a reason, but also while struggling from loneliness added to my feelings of isolation and not-fitting-in.
Well, my mom had given me this book, and with all this time on my hands, space in my new all-to-myself “grown-up” apartment and the desire to get perhaps a little more flexible, I turned to it…Richard Hittleman’s 28 Day Exercise Plan
It was straight out of the 70s and is now sold for $3.99 (maybe this was the original price too, haha). This is the yoga book, that started it all for me. This book gave me a little more peace and allowed me time in my own body to give fresh life and bring healing breaths and awareness to spaces I’d long forgotten or been ignoring. This time to myself allowed me enough to room to explore my feelings, thoughts and maintain awareness in the present moment.
Having this awareness in the present wasn’t always easy and sometimes was really scary and overwhleming.
There was a lot going on up there. So yoga and mindfulness, as I later learned this practice of self-wareness to be called, took a while to stick. It was there when I needed it but it was hard for me to go all in.
I returned to yoga on and off when times were challenging or I needed motivation to work out and take my mind off all the chaos. Mostly I did yoga via youtube videos honestly. And eventually I motivated myself to have a weekly practice in a group of other people (this was really scary for me, so it’s funny that I teach people so effortlessly now. Thank you yoga.)
I stayed with yoga and will never leave now because it brought me out of some of my darkest adult days..
during a major project launch in my career (yes, it is easy to let seemingly irrelevant things weigh you down completely but it doesn’t have to be that way!).
I switched from marketing and creating new consumer goods and physical packages to my very first launch of a web application that was going to turn mobile app and Revolutionize the Pool and Spa Care Maintenance World Forever (ha!). It was really exciting for me but also really nerveracking.
Needless to say, I worked way too hard as we neared product launch (like up at 1130pm taking calls some nights and back at it by 6am) flying back and forth from Toronto to Atlanta every single week (my poor kitty) all while dating long distance.
I wore out my body and brain and …
to wrap it up I lost 10lbs in 8 days, was crying every morning when I woke and went to sleep and felt like I had nothing to look forward to because all of my self and my shame was wrapped up in this app launch… Then when I was sure I couldn’t take it anymore I remembered yoga.
For a few months there when I was really in it with this project, I had completely stopped going to class. I hadn’t even turned on YouTube yoga, I just let it slip, along with it my sanity.
When I pulled my sad, tired, shamefilled self to class I started to see the light again and faster than ever before this time. And I knew, this was it.
I was done putting all of myself into things that I didn’t really care about anymore.
I was done trying to make myself loveable by other people’s standards.
I was ready to say yes to EVERYTHING I WANTED and nothing else.
And I was finally ready to love myself more than I needed other’s to love me and therefore try to avoid digging these deep dark holes I found myself in sometimes because I “chose” not to eat right, work out, get enough sleep, do self-care etc and just generally be kind-to-myself.
I still have my low days, but now I have the tools to help me through them. Yoga has given me the greatest gift of all – believing that each breath is a new opportunity to change how I’m feeling & what I’m thinking for the better.
All of this makes our quote of the week feel deeply personal:
Now is the time to take back your energy, your power, your peace
Thanks for being here with me. Everyone who comes to our studio and shows up for themselves inspires me to keep showing up for myself in the same way.
ps – It’s Our Month of Giving, helping others take back their power: