So what do you do?
Stay there.
Don’t shy away. Be quiet. Listen outside of you. Listen inside of you. Feel what comes up. Notice it. Release it. Move through each feeling as it comes. Ask for a hand if you need.
A lot is coming up right now. Things that need to be heard, that need to be shared. A connection that has to be built.
Being able to hold space for anyone else is a skill. It isn’t necessarily easy & like any skill it takes practice to become natural, more like a habit.
What does it mean to hold space for someone else’s needs and emotions?
The answer is Being With.
Simply showing up, making eye contact. Giving a tissue or a hug (if it’s safe and feels right). Not saying anything, but just absorbing what comes at you & up for you. As hard as it might be. Breathing through it all & maybe breathing audibly, slowly to help the person your with find their breath when they are ready.
It’s recognizing that you don’t know; you will never know what anyone else is truly going through, feeling, thinking, or has been through. It’s allowing your innocence to open you completely to the moment, the person, the situation, so that your heart can take over and allow your mind & mouth to rest easy.
Being With, is a term I learned in Circle Of Security. They use it to describe someone’s ability to be with/hold space/allow for their child’s feelings (anger, sadness, curiosity, joy etc). This skill is so important to creating secure attachment & it is also what is needed more than ever now.
Everyone is having to have the hard conversations & feel the hardest of feelings. All the time now. And kids are learning about & feeling their way through things at the same time too. Which can sometimes feel really uncomfortable for parents, on top of your own feelings.
If you need some help understanding what Being With is or if you need a new kid’s book, THE RABBIT LISTENED is the book you should get.
The title says it all.
Down to the finest details, this book shows what truly Being With is like. The patience it takes. The moments of stillness, being quiet & listening with undivided attention. The allowing of someone else’s emotions & your emotions to come and go, moving so quickly, like they do when we embrace them & can release them.
This is one of the first books I bought for the Our Yoga studio. I love sharing it with kids. This way they know what Being With looks like so they can try to attain it within their relationships & offer it up to friends if they are going through something (as small as their favorite color scarf already being chosen by someone else in class).
Being With isn’t easy though, especially when the subject matter is real & yet unbelievable. No one likes to feel uncomfortable.
However, everyone deserves to feel heard. Everyone deserves to feel true connection, love & respect.
Have you ever needed someone to just listen? To just allow for your pain, excitement or anger? To not shy away from you because it was hard on them? To feel like no matter what you felt, said or thought someone loved you through it all?
We’re always here & ready to listen.
With love,
Becca (Jess & The Our Yoga Family)
p.s. Parents, don’t forget, you need someone to Be With you as well. We all do; especially parents though, because you spend so much time Being With and showing up for your kids. So get your own “cup” refilled too. AND if you use this term with your kids, then you can let them know you need some Be With Me time and they can let you know when they need it too. Then you can just let the cuddles, deep mindful breaths, listening & condition-less connection ensue!
p.s.s. Check Out Our schedule for our next Circle Of Security-Parenting Course that works for you! Or hit reply and let us know what days and times you’d like to take a COS-P class. It’s a sure fire way to practice the art of listening & filling cups.